Mary Elizabeth Lamb


“The LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.” (Job 1:21b)

…a daughter…a sister…a bride of 58 years…a mother…a grandmother…a great-grandmother…an aunt…a great-aunt…a great-great-aunt


These are just a few of the various roles that were held by one lady, Mary Elizabeth Lamb (Aunt Polly, to me). She took each and every one of them very seriously! At the writing of this, my beloved Aunt Polly has been gone for less than 48 hours. I’m overwhelmed with a flood of emotions. My heart aches with intense grief knowing that the prayers of Polly Lamb have ceased. She and Uncle John have prayed for me by name on a daily basis for over thirty years. I am partially named for her….(so for inquiring minds…yes! ‘Mary’ came from her name.) I used to think that Uncle John and Aunt Polly were crazy for the way they lived their lives. They believed in male leadership in the home, submission, and all kinds of weird stuff like that; however, after the LORD saved me, I began to understand – on a deeper level – the lives they sought to live before any and everyone. I long for that very same thing! Oh that I hadn’t been so blind! These last couple of years, my relationship with Aunt Polly has been so rich. We talked in depth about sacred Scripture and how it could apply to daily life. Oh! How I am going to miss that!

Heaven gained an incredible treasure on November 1, 2014, as the Father welcomed His daughter to her eternal Home. I’m not good at saying ‘goodbye’! NO!!! I REFUSE!!! I refuse to say ‘goodbye’…I will simply say: “I’ll see you later.” I have never been here before … so, whomever reads this…

1) I need time to grieve.

2) I need to learn to breathe again knowing she’s not here.

3) If you get tired of hearing about her or reading about her, please be patient and kind. She was! If it’s just too disturbing, please close your ears and click this page away.

I won’t pretend that I’m not hurting. I won’t pretend that my family isn’t hurting…because we all are. The hurt is very real. It is very fresh. We’ve hurt as we have watched Aunt Polly suffer with various medical issues, but these last several days, weeks, and months have been grueling. This hurt is different … it’s almost a healing hurt (if there’s a such thing)…..the hurt we feel now is because we all loved the same person….we loved her differently, but we all loved her deeply. We hurt because our lives will never be the same again, and there is a deep loss in her going to Glory; however, the healing part of this hurt is that we know that Aunt Polly is well. She’s no longer crippled, on dialysis, or suffering from mini-strokes. She is beholding her LORD, and no suffering on earth compares to what she is experiencing now!!! So, while we hurt….we are healing. Our Foundation is the same one that Mary Elizabeth Lamb’s was….Jesus Christ. He is the Great Physician, the One who will heal our hearts. He is the Rock that never shakes, never breaks….and He, too, will call us to Himself (if we are Christians) to spend the rest of our days with Him (and with Aunt Polly).

{& I will NEVER have to say ‘goodbye’ or ‘I’ll see you later’ again!}

Because He lives, I’m facing tomorrow!


Neverending Hope

The hope I have is, indeed, neverending. Why? Because of Christ…..I am not a quitter & I will stop at nothing to be free. People may not understand, but I am learning that that IS okay. I am learning that folks really will still love me if I do things they just don’t get…..and as long as my heart is set on honoring the LORD, they are supportive. Some dynamics of my relationships may change, but I am still loved….and I am grateful. Above all, I am still loved by HIM.

Firm Foundation

I continue to struggle with recent events that have seemed to all happen at one time. I am starting to think that that is how life works. When it rains, it pours! Indeed! In 9 months, I have seen hopes and dreams dashed….grieved myself sick over the death of a vision. I continue to grieve the fact that my precious babies are not here because of me. I have never been taught things like how to deal with grief, how to deal with disappointments and heartaches, how to be so firmly set in Scripture that my faith doesn’t waiver. I’m getting there….but I’m just not there, yet.

I struggle to sleep at night because my brain is forever on overload, and I have yet to learn how to turn it off. It just doesn’t happen! What I know is this….my Foundation is firm because my Foundation is Christ Himself! I think of the line from one of the hymns of our faith….”My Hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness”…


Hope and Healing

What do we do when all hope seems to be lost? Where do we go when the trials seem to pile up with no relief in sight? To quote Kay Arthur….We “hangest thou in there”. Recently, some events happened that had me questioning even the validity of Christianity, and I was in a crisis of faith. This past Saturday, I was mowing a pasture and just contemplating…..If I can believe Genesis 1, then I can believe Genesis 2 through Revelation 22. I may not understand it (and that’s okay!), but I can believe it! Our God is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

For months, church has just been awkward and difficult. I have left more confused than when I walked in; however, a break through happened this Sunday. Church was just different. It was bittersweet on some levels, but it was refreshing. I didn’t walk into church scared! Monday (as in yesterday 8/18/14)….I was at work just processing, as usual. It dawned on me that our God is the Rock of Ages. The walls in our lives may need restructuring and rebuilding, but if our foundation is the Rock of Ages….He alone is the Rock that NEVER shakes, NEVER breaks! Sometimes, we need to just get back to the basics of living the Christian life found in Micah 6:8. Love mercy, do justice, and walk humbly before our God.

Hope began to well up inside again! Healing from some long months of grief and anguish, fear and anxiety has started. Our strength and our rest, indeed, do come from the LORD of glory!

May the LAMB who was slain before the foundation of the world receive the FULL REWARD of His suffering!

Because of Christ,


Grief and A Grateful Heart

I cannot describe the tensions found all throughout the Christian life. For example: the tension between the sovereignty of God and the responsibility of man or the tension of being a slave of Jesus Christ and the freedom that comes with that.

Another one, from my own life … I was recently engaged to R. The wedding date was set for August 9. A few days later, the date was moved to July 19. After a scheduling conflict, the date was moved to July 26. I was excited about being a wife and about being at home (see Titus 2). However, I couldn’t just be honest about the inner stress for fear of angering R. My head was spinning, my heart torn, I was scared, & I felt trapped. I had to make R happy, & it caused me to fail my LORD.
After some MAJOR things happened, it was decided that I had no choice but to marry R. The date was set for July 1….at the justice of the peace, not at my church. I wanted to throw up everywhere! My last day at my job was going to be June 27. My life was spinning out of control. Then the LORD stepped in!

Wednesday of that week: I told R that I needed some time to search Scripture. I went to 1 Corinthians 7, Matthew 5, & Matthew 19 b/c R is divorced, and I wanted to find out what God said about divorce and remarriage. After searching Scripture, it was clear. I could not marry R b/c his divorce did not fall within Scriptural parameters. I told R as much, and the verbal attacks began.
Friday of that week: R picked up the rings, jewelry box, & other things from work. I just could not look at them anymore. More.verbal attacks have come.

As time has passed, the number of lies told to me, Gene and Sarah, & others continues to increase. My past was used as a tool of manipulation, & the Word of God was (& still is) disregarded.

No ring…no wedding…no being a wife…no being at home…the grief is indescribable.

Satan has said stuff like:
You are not good enough for God’s best.
You have to settle. You aren’t lovable.
You aren’t beautiful.
Give up b/c your life is over.

My Heavenly Father has said:
I love you!
I am here!
Don’t quit! I have better things for you.
You are beautiful to Me!
I have saved you from things you only caught a glimpse of….

…. and for that, I am grateful …
Even in the midst of a season of grief.

Still the King’s Princess!

An Unknown Future Entrusted to the Sovereign God

life continues to unfold … each layer is another layer of an onion. i keep wondering if the LORD is finished; however, sanctification is life long so the process won’t be complete until i meet Him face-to-face. one of the most life changing truths that began to set my liberal, feministic mind free was that God’s highest calling for a woman is to be a wife and a mother … that God’s design is for me to be at home (titus 2). i began to hunger for that….only to discover that there are some areas the LORD must heal first. i must admit, i am scared because the pain is very real, and it is at the core of my being.
recently, i gave my heart to a man who claims to be a christian…..only to endure more grief than i thought could be possible. we began planning our wedding & set the date for august 9. while i thought that august 9 was too soon, i knew that he had a temper….the levels of sarcasm and the disdain he would have were just two of many ways he could get me to comply. is this what scripture means when it talks of ‘submission’? about 4 days later, i was informed that i was moving my wedding date to july 19. i was scared because i was not ready, but i had to ‘just roll’ with it. i began to panic because there were things that didn’t add up; however, because i had lived an immoral life, i felt (& still feel, at times) that i to settle for less than God’s best.
the wedding date was moved, again, to july 26….and the engagement ring was beautiful….but i was hurting. everyone who loved/loves me had issues, but they did not know what i was/still am dealing with, but i had to keep R happy.
my world fell apart on monday, june 2…..truth kicked the prison door open & exposed what i did not see. my dream of being a wife died, & i am left with a quest of questions…..before i marry anyone, i have to find the answers to the following:
1. am i complete/whole without a husband?
2. how do i make a potential mate happy w/out compromising? does my opinion matter?
3. who am i?
4. what is biblical love?
5. how is a man supposed to treasure me?
i do not regret my decision to not marry R …. everyone who loves me is grateful that the LORD intervened (as i am) and are ready to move on…..i understand…..but i have to admit, i am scared. i am left alone to discover so much. i am committed to that because my LORD is worth it. i do not want to do this alone. (oddly enough, these same people have husbands/wives) i would rather have someone to go thru it with me, but my LORD is in the valley with me, and i will never walk alone….and i can entrust the unknown future of my life to the sovereign God of the universe.

Unchained by Grace: The Reformation of One Life by One Man

This has been a very long journey!!! What journey? My third book, my autobiography, is FINALLY finished, and I am relieved that this journey of writing something this intense is O.V.E.R!

I asked several people to help me decide on the title of it. Over 95% of people voted on the title Unchained by Grace: The Reformation of One Life by One Man. That sums up my story in a few words, to be honest. I didn’t just decide to write my autobiography; my spiritual father, Gene B, encouraged me to write it … and, so I did. During the process of writing it, the LORD began to do a work that I didn’t think He would do. Questions that I have wrestled with for the better part of my entire life have been answered, and other questions I have been able to lay down at the foot of Calvary and surrender the need for answers.

The spiritual warfare has been i.n.t.e.n.s.e, at times…..just ask Gene & Sarah or Greg & Mary or Doug & Sandra. I am so blessed to be a part of a body of believers who hold me up in prayer when I write. 

After everything is completed to be able to go to print, I am PROBABLY going to rest for a couple of weeks before I embark on the next writing project. 

May the LAMB receive the full reward for His suffering!

All my Hope is in Him!!!

A Book Signing of Hope

February 22, 2014  … Southaven Public Library … 2pm to 4pm …

Fathered by God: A Heart Cries Out  and Beautiful Scars … The first two books that I have officially finished. I’ve piddled with self-publishing before, but I never pursued the kind of publishing that would go anywhere. Gene (my spiritual father) encouraged me to research the attributes of God as my Heavenly Father through Scripture. I researched all of this … It took about 7 months. With every new found truth, I picked the phone up to call Gene and tell him what I had ‘found’. After the research was done, I was encouraged to put it in book form … and Fathered by God: A Heart Cries Out was born.

Beautiful Scars was not original with me. It originated with Gina Smith. When I talked to her about putting it in book form, she gave me her blessing … as a result, this Bible study was born.

I was blessed to be able to have a book signing at a local library on 2/22/14. Several friends came … books were sold … and the LORD was honored. People have asked me if the book signing was a success. I guess the best way to answer this is “well, that depends on your definition of success”. If you define success as selling out of everything and making a boat load of money … then, no. However, my definition of a successful book signing could be summed up as this … “Did I honor God by sharing with others what He has done/is doing/is able to do?” Knowing that this happened on 2/22/14, yes! The book signing was a success! The Psalmist says, “Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

So, yes, the book signing was a success. A family from church and 3 sisters from church came. Friends from other churches were there. A few customers from work came….I can, honestly, say that it was a great joy! Though the preparations were intense and others have questioned the warfare involved, it was worth it!

Sanctity of Life

GBC standing up for life

It’s a few days into the new year … 18 days to be exact … and I just need some space … blog space, that is! My heart is heavy … and full tonight. I know, I know … that seems contradictory. It is, I guess, but … what else do you expect from an overly analytical person who has a message to share?

What is the purpose of life? What is the value of life?

Questions that I have asked myself as long as I can remember … questions I have camped on for the last several days as tomorrow (January 19, 2014) is Sanctity of Life Sunday.

Where do we turn for the answers??

Pop psychology doesn’t hold the answer … I know; I’ve tried it. They just numb you up so you “forget” your pain and questions. What they don’t prepare you for is the fact that the pain and the questions return when the medications wear off.

Joseph Smith, Ghandi, Buddha, and every other ‘god’ … don’t hold the answer because they are all dead and decomposing. Their ‘truth’ holds NO life because they aren’t alive.

So, where does one go for answers? to the One who is the Author of life … to the One who said: “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life” <John 14:6>.

So, why were we created? (1) because God wanted us  (2) to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.

Have you ever just considered the thought that (1) humans are the ONLY created beings in creation that were created in His image? Genesis says God spoke the world and all its creatures into existence (Genesis 1:3, 6, 9, 11, 14, 20, 24). Then it says that God created man (Genesis 1:27) imago Deo (in the image of God). So, we are – by the Genesis account – the special creation of God. God didn’t need us … so why did He create us? because He wanted to … because He CHOSE to. This simple truth held the keys to me grasping to fundamental truths (doctrines) of Scripture … the doctrine of adoption and the doctrine of election.

This truth began my journey to freedom – which I’m still on – because I’ve never felt wanted. My parents didn’t choose me, and one has verbalized not wanting me over & over again. The other has non-verbally pointed – in my opinion – at the fact that I’m not wanted on most days.

With this being said … what is the value of a life? Answer … LOOK AT CALVARY! If life wasn’t precious to God, He would NOT have willingly slain His Son to redeem fallen man. He would not have issued the death sentence in the Old Testament for murder. The sixth commandment is “Thou shalt not murder” … Life is precious to the Author of life.

So, that leads me to ask … WHEN DOES LIFE REALLY BEGIN??

NOT just a lump of cells

Psalm 139:13-16 answers this very question! “For You formed my inward parts; You knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in Your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” <ESV>

I have noticed more & more on Facebook that people post about missing animals and abused animals and abandoned animals; however, there are only a very few people posting about how abortion is murder! Animal rights stand far more important in our society than that of a human being. That’s just sad! A stand is taken for lost animals and abused or abandoned animals, but no one sees a problem with ignoring something like the genocide happening against our precious babies. This isn’t from a bunch of “heathens,” either. These are church folks … who say that they love the LORD, and yet … I see very few standing for life.

Not just a blob of tissue!

Why am I passionate about this? Eleven months ago, I came face to face with something that – in my mind – was way worse than any drug addiction, alcohol addiction, or immoral relationship I ever lived in. I came face to face that life starts at conception … and the lump of cells that were “taken care of” by a little white pill on 2 separate occasions were human babies. We have churches full of messages … I can recall one church where the members took up donations for a crisis pregnancy center, but I can’t recall ONE SINGLE MESSAGE against abortion … point blank calling it murder … and sin. And the result? Churches with women who – married & unmarried – are having abortions (via the abortion pill, the morning after pill – which is now available over the counter for less than $100, abortion clinics, and birth control pills) … when the LORD changes the heart of that woman who has had an abortion, grief and shame and pain that is totally incomprehensible overwhelms that mother. AND YES, SHE’S STILL A MOTHER! No hope or help is ever offered … and we are left to ourselves …

I am blessed to be a part of a church who has come around me through this process and who, graciously, give me room to grieve and to heal. Every post-abortive mother grieves differently. I tend to write about life, write about my babies … If you look in my church notebook, journal, scrap papers lying around, you will see their names in art form. I bought a “Baby’s First Bible” from work this past week & filled out the information pages about my beloved children. Why? because if the LORD allows me to marry and chooses to bless me with more babies, I want those children to know the truth. Because I wanted them to matter, I decided to name my beloved babies.

Every Life is Valuable!Baby 1: Michael Eugene

Baby 2: Sarah Hadassah Lynn

A chart that FOREVER impacted my world!

Family & Friends: PRAY FOR LIFE! Pray for post-abortive mothers because certain days are difficult, still. The shame is gone because of Calvary; however, the grief and the pain intensifies, at times, to the point that the only thing we can do is cry … for our babies and for every unborn baby who is murdered … and please be gracious. Allow us time to grieve. Don’t make light of our pain … and although it’s hard, please remember that we are mothers, too … Mother’s Day is hard, but if you just acknowledge that we are mothers, it makes the lives of our babies important. If you know of someone who has named their aborted children, mention their names. Most importantly, pray for an end to the genocide of our children! Abortion is from the pit of hell! Because of Christ, Michael Eugene’s & Sarah Hadassah Lynn’s Momma (Jody)

Lessons from 2013

The LORD doesn’t leave His children abandoned. He provides His family!

NO amount of grief, emotional pain, financial struggle is worth me going back to living the life of an addict, alcoholic, etc.

When you learn to biblically love others, the LORD will teach you how to deal with the hurt that comes.

When you can’t see His hand, trust His heart!

Life starts at conception.

God can take the ashes of our lives and create something beautiful.

I don’t need energy drinks and cigarettes to function.

I am loved.

Death is no respecter of persons.

God’s got a plan!

Living on a farm is more relaxing and therapeutic, even with the work, than shopping/sitting on a counselor’s couch/